Mother and daughter
by Linneagb
Summary: After Tracy comes back home after Mike's wedding she and Cam have a chat. Cam's finally told why Tracy didn't want her and Gary to get married. And Tracy is finally told what happened in between Gary and Cam.


**I was watching the scene with Tracy, Crash and Jackie before they go to Cam and Gary's wedding. And I was wondering why Cam and Gary aren't together anymore at the start of Tracy Beaker returns. Because Gary seemed okay and then I came up with this and honestly it's not very good but here it is.**

 **It's told from Tracy's point of view and is set right after Tracy comes back home from going to Mike's wedding.**

"Well. It was only the second most chaotic wedding I've been to."

I must say I had loved it when Mike called me up to ask him to be his best man. But with the dumping ground and its residents from all times it could never not be chaotic could it?

I had told Cam every little detail about how I had arrived in Newcastle, ran into Ryan. And then everything up until when Mike and Fiona had left the dumping ground and start a new life together. To soon return of course since the dumping ground was more important than anything to Mike but that wasn't the point…

Cam had given me a ride for me to tell her everything. Then when we were back I felt weirdly restless so we took a walk down towards the harbor while we kept talking about the dumping ground, Mike and weddings.

All up until that comment this wasn't the most chaotic wedding…

"At least this time the chaos wasn't my fault. Actually, I just helped sorting it out. You'd never have believed I could do that…" I tried to count but realized quickly I couldn't figure. "…When I came into yours and Gary's wedding would you? Sorry… I know you don't like to talk about him but… maybe we should talk about something or someone else."

"It's fine Tracy." Cam had obviously changed quite a bit since the last time his name had been mentioned. "We're two adult people and we can act like it too… Not like when you absolutely refused to come to my wedding or even tell anyone why it was you didn't want to."

I sighed so I would have to think about choosing my words for a second. And meanwhile go back and remember.

"From the moment Gary said you wanted to adopt me it felt strange that I felt like that. And now… after all of this time… And after Mike's wedding and talking him out of leaving it… Wow! How was I ever so stupid? And if I hadn't said what I said. And if Jackie hadn't… There's so much that could have changed in what happened that day."

"So… what it you say… And what did you say or do."

For one reason or the other those few moments were as clear in my memory as if they were just hours ago. And I could tell her the exact words that had been said.

"Well. While the others were at the wedding I, Jackie and Crash were bored. So I stood up and said we should do some practical pranks. I said weddings are for idiots. Crash said they never last anyway. And what Jackie said changed everything- Cam must be crackers to be marrying a loser like Gary. I stopped to tell her that you're not crackers…"

"Thanks for that."

"…And Gary's not an idiot."

"That's what we thought then at least."

"…And that Gary's not a loser, he's alright."

"Once again. That's what we thought then at least."

"Crash asked me what my problem was then. I asked them if it wasn't obvious and they answered no at the exact same moment. I asked them what they'd think newlywed couples do…"

Everything just seemed like it must be at least one whole lifetime ago.

"Crash answered brow. Jackie answered by matching jumpers. And… I was thinking about a pair of foster parents I was with soon after I came into care. The first ones I was with I don't even remember the names of. I don't even remember their last name. I had just gone into care and kept nagging and nagging to get to go back to the dumping ground so my mum would find me. Because I was absolutely sure it was only temporary and she would come back for me soon."

I didn't even know why I had started telling her about the first foster family I had been at. They didn't have any relevance of why I didn't come to Cam's wedding or anything…

Telling her the next did though. So it was time to finally let her know.

"Then I ended up with two named Ted and Julie. I was with them for a while… But then they said they needed to take me back to the dumping ground. I tried to think of stuff they did wrong… they never let me have sweets or they were too strict or they didn't let me stay up all night or stuff like that. But really, I was heartbroken even though I didn't want to admit it. I'd really been thinking Ted and Julie would let me stay at theirs."

I looked to my side and Cam. She was trying to cover it up I could tell, but she did look confused. And it wasn't strange. She couldn't know where her and Gary's wedding came into all of this mess.

"They'd been thinking they couldn't have any children of their own. Then, a while after I got there they found out Julie was pregnant and bye bye Tracy."

"So… what did Julie being preg… Oh Tracy. Did you think that I and Gary would have a baby and then kick you out?"

Strangely enough I had felt a lump rising in my throat. And for just a second I really thought I might cry. It had been so long since I was rejected and it just still hurt.

Instead I did my best to make a joke out of it.

"Told you it was stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're human. And a human who's been rejected one time too many. But we'd never do that to you… I'd never do that to you… Tracy. Listen, I'm going to tell you what happened in between Gary and me now. But it's got a point with this. The reason I and Gary split up… started with you never keeping your room clean. But no, it wasn't your fault. It was just that Gary kept nagging you about it and I just thought he should leave it be. He was so… obsessed with the thought of that we needed the whole house clean. And we were fighting and then… all of a sudden. He started sounding like he thought that adopting you was a mistake."

Something suddenly clenched around my heart and around my lungs. It felt awfully much like those panic attacks I'd had when Cam first went off to New York.

What if Cam had… had… had…?

"Tracy… breathe." Cam stopped and showed me to do the same. "Look. What Gary did or thought was never your fault. Adopting you was the best decision I have ever made. And if he couldn't stand clothes all over your bedroom floor or dust in the corners that should have been his problem only… only I realized it couldn't be and that's when we split up. Because you are a million, billion times more important. And I'd make the same decision any day."

My breathing had slowed down but there was still a lump burning in my throat.

What if Cam had chosen Gary over me? I had been almost sixteen at that moment. Could I have gone back to Elm tree house? What would have happened to me and would I ever have been able to trust anyone again.

"Tracy…. I made the choice I made and never once was there a chance I wouldn't. And you, and only you are the best choice I ever made. It was only… I thought that Gary was too and it showed that he wasn't. But I'd never feel the same way about you- ever."

With the invisible, imagined, freezing cold hand had let its grip around my heart and lungs go I drew a deep but shaky breath and looked down the street where I could see the ocean. Cam started again, changing the subject slightly.

"And now. When you and Seth get married. I just might barge in through the doors and shout 'STOP THE WEDDING'"

I had never felt so bad about doing just that as in that very moment. Then I turned and saw the smirk on Cam's face and it sort of ran off.

"If I had to do that again. Then I'd make sure I did it the exact same way again. I'd let you run into the room at the exact moment you did. I'd let you leave your clothes on the floor in the exact same way that you did. And I'd make sure Gary said everything he did… I'd even let you use my credit card to publish your book again. And then everything would lead us back to where we are now and honestly I never wrote a bestseller or became famous."

"Me neither."

"You're young. And you still have time. I on the other hand… well… I'm just happy with the way my life ended up."

We walked in silence the rest of the way down to the harbor. Then sat down on a bench there and sat in silence for another few minutes before there was something I just had to ask.

"Do you ever regret never having children of your own?"

Cam was quiet for another bit, then she laid her arm around my shoulders.

"I do have a daughter of my own. Her name is Tracy Beaker and she's the best."

 **Random fact**

Tracy's not exactly my favorite character. I'd probably never care for making stories about her if it wasn't for that my best friend on her (x snow- pony x) loves her and I want to make her happy.


End file.
